Psalm 23, as sung by Keith Green, has been on my mind as of late. Granted, a plethora of other topics has been swimming around in my mind as well, but this song or Psalm, has been overriding them all. The days surrounding my family and I have been darkened since 2025 has come into place, and I feel I must focus more on God than ever before to ensure that the chaos of this year and whatever lies in store, does not consume me. I feel there is a tempest approaching.
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
Death has been an ongoing theme for my family this year it seems. For me personally, it started with needing to put my cat Bacon to sleep. She was valiantly fighting breast cancer, and it finally overcame her small body. On January 6, we had to make the right and unselfish choice of letting her go. It was so tough, for so many reasons for Jeff and I to bear.
You may find that a bit silly, as she was just a cat. But for us, she was more than that. She was a constant companion of comfort and joy. She used to belong to Jeff’s cousin, Mike, who had passed away roughly 5 years prior. She came to us, directly after suddenly losing our own cat, Rufus, due to a heart attack caused by an underlying and undiagnosed heart condition. We were grieving heavily during that time too, and she took it all in stride and filled our hearts to bursting.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
While I suffered for two years with a chest injury, she was my constant companion in bed, always laying with me, never taking her eyes off of me, treating me as if I were her little kitten. She helped me get through a lot of that suffering too.
After losing Bacon, my family then lost my grandmother Connie. She was 81, so thank God she lived a full life. I wasn’t as close with her as I wanted to be, but still close enough to feel the blow of losing both of them in the same week. My grandmother Connie used to be my lunch lady in middle school and kept me on the right path and watched over me. We became closest during that time and I loved her fiery attitude and her generosity that she showed me, her step-granddaughter by marriage.
She always treated me as if I were her own, same as my step-father, Clayton has. In fact, his whole family has always treated me as if I were theirs by blood. I don’t think they realize just how much I’ve appreciated that in my life, as one who never really felt I belonged anywhere. Looking back now, I can see just how much of an impact that has been on me in life, and I am grateful and thankful they are such good people to do so.
Another hit to my family, is my brother Daniel, being in and out of the hospital due to ineptitude I suppose. He had to have another surgery because the doctor who removed his gallbladder, left a stint in near his liver, and it was making him sick. Thankfully that surgery went okay, and two or so weeks went by and things started to feel like they were slowly “returning to normal” after the chaos of the first week and a half of the new year.
However, that was not to be the case. My cousin unfortunately was murdered brutally in prison in Pennsylvania on January 29th. I didn’t know he was back in prison, as the last time I saw him, was a few years ago, but it still came as a tremendous shock to my family and myself. He was only a few years younger than I, and we used to hang out a lot as kids. When we were older, I would babysit him and his brother and two sisters for my aunt.
He always had a troubled life, which I will not go into here today, but I feel absolutely wrecked for my aunt and for her other children. Not only have they lost their mother & grandmother, but now their son & brother as well. We all are planning a celebration of life for both my grandmother and my cousin later this summer.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.
You would think that life at this point said: “Alright, that’s enough suffering for now.” But you would be wrong. Satan doesn’t work that way, and he never sleeps and never stops testing you and tormenting you. He wants so badly for you to join him in Hell for all eternity, that he strikes you when he feels you are most vulnerable.
This time, after the murder of my cousin, my brother Daniel, went back into the hospital due to being sick. While there, they found out that the surgery spot where the stint was removed, got infected, and he had a massive abscess on his liver that needed to be drained. So, back into surgery he went, except this time, he nearly died due to complications on the table.
Thank God that he survived, and is still healing up at home right now.
Thou anoint my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
God has been my absolute strength and rock through all of this. From the moment He delivered me from the depression that had its death grip upon my life, He has been showing me how to lean on Him through all that comes my way. I knew back then that if He didn’t heal me of that depression, that I would not be long for this world. Seeing all that I have endured since that deliverance, I know even more so just how true that was.
God has allowed me through this time to be strong for not only myself, but for those around me. When I tell people the short end of all that I have endured in this year alone, with a smile on my face and a quick “but aside from all that, I’m doing quite well!” statement added on, it really leaves them speechless and astounded. The only reason I can do so however, is truly because Jesus has given me the strength and peace to do so.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
This world is only going to become more chaotic and filled with even more sorrow. As we get closer to the time that Jesus returns, we may receive slight reprieves, where Jesus leads us beside still waters… But do not let your heart drift from Him during these moments of rest and respite. That is when Satan will do his best work on you.
I pray that you truly and fully learn about Jesus, and how He can become your inner strength, your inner rock, your inner peace, and your personal savior. It’s a relationship that He wants with you. And a relationship is a two-way street. I pray you open up to Him, as He is eagerly waiting for you to do so. If you do, then you too will dwell in the house of the Lord forever, and you will overcome anything that Satan may throw your way.
Thank you for reading.
God Bless you and keep you!
♥ Jess ♥
